Curious about kink but don’t know where to start? This month
I will be giving you some tips for trying out the basics, as well as ideas on
taking things further if you enjoy it!
Communication is key to having a great time with kink. It is
vital to chat with your partner before you begin, about such topics as toys
which interest you, ideas that you find hot, words and outfits you think are
sexy, as well as covering key ideas which are scary or a turn off so you both
know what to avoid. Decide who is going to be in charge during the play (the
Dominant) and agree that if things get too intense at any point you will stop
or slow it down.
It can be a good idea to have this chat a few days or at
least a few hours before you will have your first kinky play. This gives time
for the anticipation to build, but also allows the Dominant some time to gather
toys/outfit/ideas together.
Remember at all times the key rule for kink is to keep it
SSC, Safe, Sane and Consensual. Do not agree on or attempt anything that may be
unsafe for either person, does not feel sane, and stick to acts that you have
both agreed and consented to.
When you are about to begin, having a way to symbolise you
are in role as Dominant and Submissive can be sexy and help it feel special. It
may be putting on (or taking off) an outfit, item of jewellery, or (more
traditionally) a collar.
For your first venture into kink, keep it simple and fun. If
you have decided on a tie and tease scene, try using scarves or ties to tie
your partner up (but keep scissors handy incase you cannot undo the knots
easily). Alternatively simply pin them down with one hand. Check round the
house first for items which will provide interesting sensations. Some ideas are
hairbrushes for stroking, ice cubes for temperature play, velvet or silk
clothing for draping and stroking over the skin. Also think about using all of
your body – hands, nails, hair, tongue, for stroking, pinching, tickling,
slapping, scratching, nibbling, etc. Play with sensation all over their body,
rather than sticking to obvious erogenous zones.
Alternatively you may have decided on a hot and horny sex
scene with one partner being the Dominant, taking charge. Think about the
language you will both use, a suitable position to reinforce
Dominant/Submissive roles, and outfits/role play. A blindfold can be a great
way to add to the fantasy element.
As already stated communication is key and this applies after
the scene as well. Soon after the scene have a frank and open chat about how
you both feel it went. Discuss which aspects you enjoyed, what you would like
to take further, as well as any parts you did not enjoy or did nothing for you.
Remember at this point to discuss whether to stick to the same roles next time
or switch over. Many couples find they enjoy switching roles and exploring many
different types of scene, while some find a role they each enjoy and stick to
them.
If you have enjoyed yourselves and wish to incorporate kink
into more of your sex life together consider buying some fetish equipment to
incorporate into your play. You can buy lots of sex toys and some fetish items
from sex shops. For specialist fetish equipment you can visit a fetish market
to shop with a range of companies. Alternatively you can find suppliers online,
including our own website www.freakclubwear.co.uk
When shopping it is often fun to buy a small amount of items that are key to
the type of scenes you are enjoying e.g. wrist cuffs for bondage, a paddle for
punishment, an outfit for role play, etc. Then add to your kit every few
weeks/months. This gives you the thrill of something new to try out on a
regular basis and adds to the excitement and anticipation. It means you can
consider purchasing high quality, luxury items rather than lots of cheap toys
that may disappoint.
When planning to take a scene deeper, remember to do some
research. This can provide you with some great ideas as well as helping you to
keep it safe if it is a topic you know little about. Fetlife is a great resource website
where you can read about other’s experiences, ask questions about kink, find
out about fetish events and scenes, and make new friends. For practical ‘how
to’ tips you can:
1)
Read books – try The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book for a
great starting point or there are plenty more specialist books if you want to
cover a particular topic e.g. bondage.
2)
Visit a fetish market or party with a workshop – there are
several larger markets/events with workshops run on a regular basis around the
UK. You can find out about your nearest one at Fetlife. The largest monthly
fetish market in the UK, with a different workshop every month is the
Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar. For those around London and the South Coast take a look at the London Fetish Fair.
3)
Attend a one-on-one tutorial – if venturing into public is not
your thing or you want to cover specific topics at your pace a fetish tutorial
might work better for you. We offer a range of tutorials in the Midlands at
Freak Clubwear
However don’t get too caught up in trying to scene ‘the
right way’. As long as you keep things SSC the only right way is whatever works
for your and your partner. Keep it fun and enjoyable for you both and you are
sure to find kink a way to develop further your trust and intimacy as a couple.
If you have enjoyed this introduction to kink you can read
many more practical BDSM articles in Curious Magazine. You can order a free
copy of the new issue and back issues of Curious Magazine here.
